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A good relationship coaching model is the most reliable way to ensure the longevity of your relationship especially if it delves into the significance of understanding the fundamental dynamics of a couples attachment styles. The happiness and longevity of your relationship is often determined by the emotional stability within your union. A securely attached partnership has a better chance of emotionally supporting one another and dealing with outside stressors and should be one of the defining factors when of a relationship coaching experience.
Once you are able to recognise your attachment patterns you become better equipped at understanding your behaviours and uncovering your blind spots. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed Attachment Style Theory based on patterns of attachment they observed over an individual’s lifespan. The benefits of gaining insights into your attachment style and how it could be contributing to your relationship difficulties is the first step to personal growth and relationship happiness. Self-awareness is a key factor for building relationships and understanding your own attachment style can be a game changer for this.
Let’s explore the four primary attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized.
Secure Attachment is the gold standard of attachment styles and is characterized by a comfort with intimacy and interdependence. People with this style tend to have positive concept of self and don’t have problems forming strong and stable relationships. They find it easy to trust others and are able to maintain an overall sense of peace in the relationship.
Those with an Anxious Attachment hold a fear of abandonment in spite of their desire to have a loving and secure relationship. Those with this style may seek constant reassurance and can feel highly anxious about their relationships. They consistently worry about their partner’s level of commitment and might experience rejection sensitivity, feelings of abandonment and insecurity.
An Avoidant Attachment style is distinguished by a strong self reliance and hyper-independence. Individuals with this style might struggle with emotional intimacy and closeness. They struggle with the expression of emotion and might find it challenging to depend on others, preferring to keep their distance. They may take longer to process emotions as they learnt it wasn’t safe to express them growing up so instead they may focus on distractions in the form of work or hobbies rather than reaching out for emotional support.
A Disorganized Attachment style is a combination of both anxious and avoidant styles, leading to unpredictability and chaos in a relationship. Those involved in a relationship with someone who has this attachment style is likely to experience tumultuous relationship patterns. This attachment style is usually caused by significant early trauma that could include neglect, verbal, physical, sexual or emotional abuse by a caregiver. Fear and confusion are symptoms of a disorganized attachment style and this can cause a conflict of emotions and unstable relationships.
One important thing to understand is that your attachment style isn’t set in stone. It can change depending on the relationship you form and the dynamic that is created. For instance, you might feel perfectly secure in the company of close friends but experience feelings of anxiety with a romantic partner. You may be securely attached but find yourself in a relationship with a person who is avoidant, making you feel anxious and needy.
The best way to ensure your relationships lasts the distance is to identify your attachment style and work on ways to become securely attached if not already. Our relationship coaching program dives into attachment styles and helps you to identify you and your partner’s attachment style as part of a holistic approach to improving the quality of your relationship. Find out more here.
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