Well, hello folks, Martina Magnery here. Hope you’re doing well.  Today, I’m going to talk to you about the three realms required to have an extraordinary relationship.

And I’m talking about romantic relationships specifically.  In my experience as a relationship coach, I can see which couples are going to do better by their ability to grasp the concept of these three realms. Once they are able to grasp this concept, then they are able to fully embody and immerse themselves in these three realms and do what’s required to make their relationship a success.

And this is going to increase their longevity as a couple. No matter where you are in your relationship, whether you’ve been together a year, 20 years, whether you have young kids, older kids, or no kids at all, these principles work no matter what. I’ll go into detail about these three realms in this podcast.

So starting with the psychological realm. If you’re able to hold space for your partner emotionally and understand their mindset, their behaviors, why they do what they do, if you’re able to ask questions and really try to understand your partner to your best ability, you’re going to have a better, more solid relationship from the get go.

Now this is only the first realm I’m talking about, the psychological realm. So it’s fully understanding your partner’s core wounds, we all have them, their father wounds, their mother wounds, and basically making up for what they didn’t get as a child from their parents. It’s beneficial if you can clear your baggage and identify your wounds and do that personal work before you start a relationship.

However, It’s not 100 percent necessary.  You can heal those wounds within the relationship.  Just a little bit more patience is needed. So psychologically, both of you really need to be doing the work together and individually, working on your personal growth and trying to always do better  and evolve as your best person, the best person you can possibly be The highest expression of yourself.

The longevity of your relationship is dependent on this aspect, this ability to do the work, to do your shadow work, which is reflect inwards and ask yourself how you’re contributing to all the problems in your relationship. I use a Shadow Work Inventory, which gets each individual, each partner, to assess everything from their feelings to what they believe, their value system, their boundaries, or lack thereof, and how that is affecting their partner and their relationship as a whole.

I also love any type of quiz, attachment style quizzes. I use those.  And of course, the Gottman Relationship Checkup, which is fantastic. It’s very comprehensive. It’s based on 40 years of solid research. And I try to encourage my couples to use this every time you get a lot of insights. Then there is the Enneagram.

This is a fantastic psychological profiling tool that enables you to understand yourself.  Through identification of eight different archetypes.  And that applies to your partner as well. So understanding yourself and your partner, your strengths, your different values and beliefs, and how you interact.

Once you understand your archetype and your partner’s archetype and how they correlate, you’ll understand better how your partner and yourself think and feel and do and be in any given situation. And you’re more able to be compassionate, empathetic, and just accept your partner and yourself for who you are.

The Enneagram also allows you to tap into some undeveloped strengths and characteristics that you may have that are lying dormant under the surface. It’s super insightful and a fun activity to take part in as a couple. The Enneagram is a brilliant personal development tool that allows you to work on yourself.

and your relationship. And this is going to help you navigate any difficulties in the future. And it’ll help you to grow as a couple and avoid growing apart.  I’m going to list out how these psychological tools, quizzes, and questionnaires are going to help you connect better psychologically with your partner and improve your relationship.

Tenfold. The first ingredient is active listening. When you practice active listening, you’re giving your partner your full attention when they are speaking. Focusing on understanding their perspective without interruption and judging is going to be pivotal.  in building better connection. They will be able to hold space for you if you’re able to hold space for them.

Then there’s empathy. Some of my clients struggle with empathy and others don’t even understand exactly what it is. It’s not their fault. They just weren’t modeled that growing up. The inability to empathize means disaster in a relationship. It is a life skill for everyone to learn on this planet. for the sake of our evolution.

Without it, every relationship will die. And that is with certainty, I say that. Empathy is mirroring back to your person through words and actions and expressing understanding, compassion, and support.  Spending quality time together, engaging in activities that you both enjoy is so important.  It could be as simple as going for a walk, Cooking together or watching a movie, even if you can’t go on those fancy date nights.

Making an effort to carve out time for meaningful connection and shared experiences so you can make memories is so important. This creates a buffer, so when you do have conflict, you still have those good feeling memories and they’re stored in the hippocampus, the memory retrieval part of the brain, and that will keep the relationship on solid ground.

They’re deposits in your emotional bank account, which Gottman talks about. Every time you have conflict, that is one withdrawal from your emotional bank account. Creating a vision  together, a couple vision. I get my couples to do this. I’ve got a very structured way for you to achieve your goals,  building a roadmap together, getting the same pay, sharing your ideas of what your dream life is for one another and together as a couple.

So important for building that psychological attraction and connection. Conflict resolution. 90 percent of the couples that come to see me don’t know how to do conflict properly. And I teach them how to do it the right way because you can do conflict well or you can do it badly. When you have a template, a script,  And you master that script,  then you can talk about anything safely in your relationship without counter attack, without defensiveness, without stonewalling, without contempt, if you follow this script, if you follow this way.

Very important for building that psychological safety. Emotional support.  Both your responsibility as each other’s person is to be there emotionally as support at all times. That’s your first responsibility as a partner. Then there’s the shared rituals and traditions, the little things that you do for each other at home, during the year, celebrations,  important days.

Creating these beautiful rituals together is going to keep me connected as a couple. There are all the things required in a nutshell to keep you connected psychologically in that realm together as a couple so your relationship can survive.  and flourish. The psychological realm is the realm of emotions, thoughts, and communication.

Now let’s move to the next realm. The next realm is the spiritual realm. Now couples that always connect spiritually always do better.  And that is in my experience. As a relationship coach, if I see a couple struggling, say through infidelity or addiction, they’re more likely to get through it. They’re more likely to survive if they’re spiritually connected.

However,  some couples have a different understanding of what spirituality means and can get quite confused here. I actually have clients that tell me that they’re not spiritual, which is crazy. We are all spiritual. They don’t understand what it means to be spiritually connected as a couple. The spiritual realm transcends the material world and taps into the essence of existence.

To enhance that capacity you can do things such as Go on nature walks together. Go on hikes. Spending time in nature can be deeply spiritual. So can be traveling together. You can do yoga, meditation, couple journaling. Only takes five minutes every so often. I’ve got a template for this, which is going to keep you connected as a couple.

So you can get on the same page with your goals and dreams and enhance your ability to create a life vision together.  Volunteering or service work, giving back to the community and helping others can be a spiritually enriching experience for a couple. You can volunteer at local charities, participate in service projects, or organize donation drives together.

Aligning your actions and your values and making a positive impact on the world around you, that is going to keep you fully connected. as a couple and give your relationship more purpose and more meaning. Then there’s attending spiritual or religious services. Obviously not everyone is religious.  It could be the case that you connect spiritually by sitting down together and watching documentaries on UFO sightings.

Or  supposed conspiracy theories. Anything that’s going to enhance your communication, give you something interesting to talk about. It’s going to be meaningful for your relationship. Any cause, any passion that you share together as a couple is going to connect you on that spiritual level.  And that brings us to the last realm, last but not least, the physical realm.

Or in other words, the practical realm.  This realm is often overlooked in depth and importance, but it’s more than just the day to day grind. It’s about how couples navigate life’s practicalities together. From the nine to five grind to paying bills and putting food on the table, these tasks may seem mundane, but they form the backbone of a partnership.

Couples who thrive in this realm are more than just cohabitants. They’re collaborators in the journey of life. They share the load, communicate openly about finances, and work together seamlessly to tackle household chores, parenting responsibilities, and day to day obligations.  Getting on the same page with your routines.

Finances, parental responsibilities, and home tasks is essential for a harmonious and functional relationship. Here are some of the practical ways a couple can achieve alignment in these areas.  Regular communication, scheduling regular check ins to discuss routines, finances, and responsibilities.  You have to set aside dedicated times each week or each month to review your schedules, budgets, and upcoming tasks and address any concerns and changes together.

It is usually the case that if one partner is stuck with these responsibilities, ultimately one day they’re going to become resentful. The load needs to be shared. Understanding your roles and your strengths, what you’re good at, what you’re most capable of, and sharing that load efficiently and effectively.

Scheduling.  When you work as a team, you think about any task as the soccer ball. You want to get the soccer ball into the goal. You’re both on the same team. You’re not on opposite teams. When you function at full capacity as a couple in this realm, you’ll be able to set priorities and boundaries.  Create parenting strategies together.

You will have the ability to accept influence when it comes to the division of responsibilities around the home.  Financially plan and budget together.  Share calendars together and communicate regularly about upcoming events. One must be flexible and adaptable. But if you get this realm right, if you fully embody this realm as a couple, there’ll be stability and order.

Every couple needs to customize their own policies and procedures. Without this risk management, the relationship is left in chaos. and there is a lack of order that can lead to resentment and disagreements, misunderstandings.  The practicalities of the physical realm require you to be mindful of your partner’s routines and schedules, to work well together as a team, communicate clearly, risk manage, while still remaining flexible and adaptable.

This is all going to lead to a much more harmonious relationship you. And it also builds trust, which is the glue that keeps the relationship together.  Goal setting becomes a breeze and I’ve got lots of strategies that I use to help my couples with this when they work with me. I simplify this for them by giving them some highly effective goal setting strategies.

And the coachable clients turn these into rock solid habits. So when you function as a couple at your highest capacity within these three realms, you’ll find there’ll be an amplification of respect and admiration, which is going to have a flow on effect usually in terms of affection and physical intimacy.

You’ll find you’ll have more fun together day to day. There’ll be less resentment, more trust,  more harmony. More joy and a story. To embody these three realms, if you need help, you may want to take part in my personal development program for couples. You may consider doing a personal development program.

The two of you, if you want to do a full immersion into these three realms and create solidarity in your relationship, that’s going to protect you fast forward into the future as a couple, then do it. Let me know, email me at hello at clarityfor.com clarityfor one word. com and I’ll fill you in with all the details.

And that’s enough for me today. I hope you join us on the next podcast. It’s Martina Magnery signing out. Have an enjoyable day and bye for now. Ciao.