A relationship may struggle sometimes to the point whereby you may consider separation or divorce. No relationship is perfect and to get through life without difficulties with your significant is rare. Occasionally your partner may envy your level of income or your popularity or maybe they forgot to consult you about an important upcoming event. It is when these things are done consistently that the relationship suffers.
It is normal for a relationship to have peaks and lows but for some, there are more lows and that is when it is important to identify when to get help and when to get out. Let’s look at some of the toxic behaviours in your relationship that you should be concerned about.
Your partner is;
Emotional Unsupportive
Your partner does not validate your emotions and may instead dismiss your feelings altogether. Instead of giving you emotional support they may give you unsolicited advice which feels insulting. When you tell your partner that you had a bad day and that your boss was rude the last thing you want to hear is how you may have done something wrong and that maybe you should do something to make your boss less rude. You want your partner to agree with you that, yes that sounds rough and your boss sounds like a jerk.
Controlling
Control in the relationship can include financial control or a disapproval of your desire to spend time with family and friends. You partner maybe competitive with you, resent you doing well or having a fun time without them. They may point score or make negative comments to prevent you from doing things that are important to you. They tend to have the strongest influence in the relationship which leaves you feeling disempowered and resentful.
Jealous
Your partner is insecure and jealous when you go out on your own feel and feel threatened when you talk to others. They may make comments that make you question if you are being suggestive or promiscuous when instead it is their own insecurities fuelling their words. When this is done on a regular basis it can feel like they don’t trust you or understand who you really are as a person. Their jealousy can cause you to feel suffocated and not free to be your true self.
Betrays
Your partner may have emotional, sexually or financially betrayed you in your relationship. Betrayal causes Post Traumatic Distress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms that can last for years or a lifetime. Betrayal leads to intrusive thoughts, checking behaviours and rumination whilst eroding all trust in the relationship. Sometimes betrayal is caused by other issues in the relationship and can lead a couple to learn and grow but the nature and the extent of the betrayal with predict whether it is possible to recover.
Belittles and Name Calls
Your partner is verbally abusive and does this by calling you names, making sarcastic remarks and putting you down. This behaviour over time effects your self-esteem and makes you question if you are good enough. Your partner does this as a form of control, and it is nothing more than emotional manipulation which leaves you feeling disempowered and low in self-esteem.
Makes You Walk on Eggshells
Your partner is constantly irritable and complains more than is healthy. They may yell when it’s not necessary or get upset over the smallest things. The negative communication they use makes you feel on edge or concerned you will get in trouble. Walking on eggshells is stressful as it sends a lot of cortisol through the body. Having to withstand your partner’s negative mood and complaints really effects your physical and mental health.
Threatens you
Your partner uses forms of intimidation to control you in the relationship. They may constantly threaten the relationship or physically intimidate you. Intimidation even without violence is a criminal offence and needs to be taken seriously. If a conflict escalates to a point whereby you worry about your safety, it is time to think about whether you should stay in the relationship.
If you are wanting a deeper understanding of what constitutes a toxic relationship or in the process of recovering from one, stay tuned for my course that will help you detox and heal from Toxic Relationships for good.
