You can choose to be satisfied with a relationship that is functional and convenient or you can choose to function in one that is extraordinary. To have an extraordinary relationship you need to be more emotionally and spiritually connected with one another. Here are my top five ways to make your relationship extraordinary.
Be a Good Listener
The best moto in a relationship is “Seek to understand, not defend”. When your partner feels you are listening and validating rather than offering your opinion, their whole nervous system relaxes. When your partner feels you are listening, they feel more supported which leads to a stronger emotional connection. A common complaint is that often one is seeking emotional support or validation from their partner but instead receives unsolicited advice. Instead of saying “maybe you could do this so your boss does not get upset with you”, the better response would be” your boss sounds like a jerk.” Agreeing with and validating your partner instead of making suggestions for them works better for an extraordinary relationship.
Don’t Compete
Trying to compete with your significant other does not fair well in the extraordinary love stakes. We learn to compete at school, the classroom becomes an environment to outdo our peer group and it is encouraged. Sometimes this way of being creeps into our relationships, especially if you are competitive by nature. There is no room for competition if you want an extraordinary relationship. Feeling threatened by your partners income or strong family ties is futile and can be destructive. Collaboration is the antidote to competition. Collaboration is the key to an extraordinary relationship and a long-lasting partnership.
Take Initiative
Don’t wait for your partner to be the organiser, take initiative! Take action, make the call make the booking, round up the party. It may not be their fortay to organise. To ensure things run smoothly in the future, however, a good suggestion would be to take it in turns to organise so one person doesn’t end up feeling resentful. Make it an non-negotiable that you take it in turns. Goal setting can be done together by making lists of all your future desires and a way to get on the same page together. Make your goals come to fruition by coming back to your lists regularly and revising. Once you rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, you will eventually align and get on the same page. The words to remember are: “Take it in turns.”
Be Generous
You want to light your partner up in a way that makes them feel special. Some prefer gifts, others acts of service, affection or time together. Some are just looking for emotional support, validation or appreciation. Whatever, love language you and your partner have, the main thing to remember is you want to give them their love preference and not mistakenly your own. You may prefer acts of services and in an auto-pilot fashion do all those little jobs to please them but if your partner’s love language is time together then you are missing the boat. You need to carve out time together and pack that picnic!
Stop Being Negative
Negativity has an energetic frequency that radiates from one partner to the next polluting your relationship. John Gottman, relationship therapist extraordinaire believes that there is a science to successful relationships. Gottman was once a mathematician and incorporated mathematical equations to support his relationship studies. Gottman studied couples in a love lab over forty years and came up with ratios based on his observations. He states that you can only withstand one negative comment for every five positive comments in your relationship. He uses the ratio for 5:1 to illustrate a healthy relationship, however, he claims that if you want an extraordinary relationship the ratio is 20:1. This may sound over the top and unrealistic but all you need to do is simply reduce the negatives. The basic underlying concept is to reduce your negative comments and add more validation, appreciation and compliments.
